I made it into the contest, but got knocked out in the first round. For this, I am not sad. Gaining entry into the contest was beyond amazing--it was a victory. The feedback, and the new writing friends I made, is priceless. Those new friends provided feedback that helped reshape my query and ultimately the entire MS. The feedback did not come easily, though.
I had to step away from the feedback that came from the contest, come back a little later, and read with fresh eyes. I had to ask for the feedback from my fellow participants. That took a little stepping out of my comfort zone. No one was contacting me, saying, "Hey, can I give you feedback." I had to ask. I kept telling myself, "I've made it into this contest, and I'm not going to squander the opportunity!"
So this is the most recent version. I'm sure it's not perfect, but I love it. But I loved the other version, too. Just goes to show, I might need to update this someday! If you're interested in a before and after check this out: before.
Query:
In the year 2026, Anna races to deliver her baby before government agents can intercept her. Births during The Decision—humanity’s willing choice to not reproduce for ten years for Earth’s rejuvenation—result in sterilization, or worse, death. Anna’s baby is born as agents break down the door, yet Mikenna’s life is spared. Six years later, people are free to reproduce, but they don’t. The quality of life is high, and babies are a thing of the past. Selflessness, acceptance, and planning for a smooth ending are the wisdoms of the Post-Decision age.
Mikenna
disagrees. When she hears the president
talk about there not being anymore babies, she imagines
herself as the second Eve—until her eighth birthday party. There, Aunt Rebekah tells
Mikenna she was sterilized at birth. From then on, Mikenna wakes up every
morning wishing she wasn’t the last human ever born. As a teenager, Mikenna researches
images of babies to see if they look like the ones in her dreams. She
contemplates suicide so someone else can be the last. And as a young
woman, Mikenna abstains from physical intimacy with her husband because of its
emotional connection to her sterilization.
Then, as the
human race dwindles, and Mikenna begins to accept The Decision, she discovers Aunt
Rebekah lied. The doctor who delivered Mikenna saved her from sterilization and
death. With the Eve dream a sudden possibility, Mikenna must decide if
fulfilling her own desire is worth subjecting a child to the emptying world.
First Page:
PART 1
CHAPTER 1
2026, Seven years into The Decision
7.52 billion people
Each leaden footstep Anna took through her unlit home brought
her closer to the garage, closer to victory. At the end of the hallway she measured
the distance to her next supporting wall and shuffled on. But a growing ache halted
her at the dining room table. In desperation, she grasped the closest chair,
breathing quick, rapid breaths. Her back shuddered, as if the Earth had just
shifted across her spine, and it threatened to bring her body down in a
crumbling mess. Her contracting muscles pulsed, hastening her baby toward an
undeserved life.
“Oh, my precious little girl,” Anna whispered.
“I’m sorry I got you into this. I’m sorry, Mikenna, but one day you’ll know . .
. my heart was selfless.”
At the point of collapse, Anna gritted
her teeth, and with a huff of determination, heaved herself up. She pushed off
and continued on with trembling knees through her hiding place, her cage. Five
steps more, and Anna turned toward the living room. Her husband stood to the
side of the window, concealing himself in the darkness, holding the curtain
back slightly with his pointer finger. A shaft of light from the afternoon sun
snuck past and landed on the carpet, exposing a flurry of dust in the air.
“I’m ready,” Anna beckoned. “David .
. . please?” She waited, her labored breathing filling the silence. She swayed
on her toes. “I said I’m ready.”
David kept his eyes to the window, searching.
“Where are They?” His voice trembled. “I know They know.”
Unable to wait any longer, Anna
turned and continued to the car by herself. “They can’t know. Please, God, They
can’t.”
